Happiness does not simply happen. A person does not suddenly stumble across happiness. Happiness is the result of careful tending, and a person who wishes to be happy must tend to their happiness.
Tending to your happiness does not need to be difficult, complex, or time-consuming. It can be as simple as this four-step formula:
1. Trash your unhappy thoughts and trends
2. Envision yourself as happy
3. Needs fulfilled
4. Desires fulfilled

Making yourself a happier person really can be that simple.
Step one is an important one because unhappiness is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Many people are unhappy because they don’t believe they deserve to be happy, and they lock themselves into patterns of behavior that make them unhappy. Trash your unhappy thoughts and trends.

Look inside yourself and find out what (and when) you think about things that make you unhappy. Is there a specific time of day that you tend to be more unhappy? Is there a specific task or routine that seems to feed your unhappiness? Is there something that you do or think that contributes to your unhappiness?

Once you identify the areas of your life that cause you unhappiness, you can find ways to confront it and combat it. Sometimes you can make a change to avoid the trouble spot altogether, but when that’s not possible, find ways to make it less difficult on yourself. Adjust your schedule or your expectations if that will make things better. Recruit help when you can. Just easing off one task or freeing up a few hours can make a huge difference in your attitude. When all else fails, and you can’t change or share something unpleasant, don’t hesitate to reward yourself for accomplishing it. Knowing you will be rewarded can sometimes make difficult tasks more palatable.

Step two is key. Some people have been unhappy for so long they have forgotten what happiness looks like and feels like. Envisioning yourself as happy can help create the happiness habit. Thinking about your happiness will also help counterbalance times when you are unhappy or working through unpleasant tasks. Think about difficult times as simply stepping stones to happy times.

Step three cannot be overlooked. If your basic needs for food and sleep are not met, you will not be able to focus on happiness. It is not impossible for hungry, sleep-deprived people to be happy, but most humans are a lot less likely to be happy in that state. Food and sleep provide fuel for the body and mind and the healthier your body and mind then the better chance you have to achieve happiness.

Step four is the final step to achieving happiness. What do you desire? What do you wish for? What do you dream about? Allow yourself to dream big but don’t overlook small wishes and desires. While a two-week cruise might be great just having a weekend at a local resort might give the rest, relaxation, and escape you might need. Or perhaps you’d like to lose 30 or 50 pounds but finding a way to work in some exercise a few times a week might give you more immediate gratification while eventually accomplishing your long-term goal.

Make a list of your desires, wishes, and dreams — big and small — and keep that list someplace handy. What can you do this week to achieve a small goal? What can you do this month to take a step toward a big goal? Sometimes you don’t even need to accomplish your goals to achieve happiness. Sometimes it is simple enough to know that you are working toward your dreams. Often happiness is found on the path to our dreams. Often happiness is created while we strive to make our wishes come true.

You can make yourself a happier person, but you must tend to your happiness. So often, we spend more time tending to our outer possessions than we do tending to our inner ones. You can make a few changes to your life to find a better balance and that will help create more personal happiness for you.

The first, and most critical, a hurdle to finding true happiness is that we do not know ourselves. The real secret to happiness is knowing what is important to you personally. The simple truth is that there is not one universal path to happiness because every person is different and has different dreams and needs. While for one person, creating something might be the path to happiness for another person it might be nurturing others. However, we are too often focused on the wrong goals because we listen to popular culture or other people. If we spend the time and energy to concentrate on our dreams and shut out the distractions, we can find the key to unlocking our happiness.

Another roadblock in our pursuit of happiness is giving too much power to things that do not matter. I have a friend who obsesses over having a clean house and making sure her family is clean and neat whenever they leave home. She gripes about how much time these obsessions take away from her time with her family. I am the opposite. While I do wish my house was cleaner, I decided when my son was born that when I was told I would not look back and regret having a messy house but that I would regret not spending time with my child. While cleaning is on my priority list, it always falls below my child’s, and when he is old and gray, I am confident he will remember that as well as I do. Too often, we spend a lot of time and energy focused on things that do not matter in the long run. Letting the dishes sit in the sink one night while you play a game with your child or pursue a hobby you love will contribute more to your happiness than making sure you do those dishes and then missing out on the life you love.

The final critical element that blocks true happiness for many people is not giving the things that make us happy enough weight in our life. Too often, we dwell on the things we do not have–the bigger house, the newer car, the better job–rather than what we already have that makes us happy–the significant relationships, the happy home, the rewarding career. The next time you feel unhappy, make a list of all that is going right in your life. Chances are, that list is a lot longer than you thought, and simply reviewing it will make you feel better.

The pursuit of happiness should be a lifelong journey, but the path to finding true happiness can be rewarding and enjoyable if we remember to know ourselves, let go of the things that do not matter and remember the things that do.

When achieving happiness is your goal, you might pursue this in three different ways:

1) You might pursue momentary pleasure, believing that your happiness is the same as pleasure. When this is your belief, you might pursue happiness through substances such as alcohol, drugs, nicotine, or food. Or you might pursue happiness through activities such as sex, spending, or gambling.

2) If you believe that your happiness is attached to money and the outcome of things regarding money, you might pursue control over the outcome through spending most of your time working, as well as accumulating and managing money
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3) If you believe that your happiness is attached to people, you might pursue control over getting love, approval, attention, admiration, or acknowledgment.

While momentary pleasure feels good, it is just momentary. You need to keep on doing whatever you believe will bring you happiness, over and over. This is what creates addictions – the pursuit of what you believe will avoid pain and bring pleasure. The problem is that none of these pursuits bring deep and abiding happiness because their effects are always momentary.

True happiness is not the result of DOING, but of a way of BEING. Rather than being a result of the momentary pleasures of the outside world, it is the result of your intention to evolve daily as a loving human being.

What does this mean?
This means that ongoing happiness is the result of choosing the spiritual path of kindness, compassion, understanding, and acceptance.

Yet it is not enough to express kindness and compassion toward others. Many have tried this and still end up feeling empty and angry when the deep happiness they desire continues to elude them.
The path toward happiness starts with an opening to learning about what is most loving and compassionate toward YOURSELF. You can have all the things that people believe will bring happiness – money, a good relationship, a family, work you enjoy – yet if you are critical and judgmental toward yourself instead of accepting and compassionate with yourself, you will not feel happy.

Imagine a child who seemingly has everything – tons of toys, the best schools, great vacations, lots of friends. But imagine that this child has parents who ignore him or her, or who are very critical, judgmental, and controlling of him or her. This child will not be happy, no matter how many external things he or she has.

Imagine that this child is you – the feelings within you. How are you treating this child? How do you treat your feelings? Do you ignore your feelings and cover them over with substance or process addictions? Are you judgmental of yourself, constantly telling yourself that you are not good enough, that you are inadequate in some way?

Ignoring yourself or judging yourself will always lead to unhappiness, so matter how much you have in the external world or how loving you are to others. Until you decide to start treating yourself the way you want others to treat you, deep and abiding happiness will elude you. As long as you are treating yourself the way your parents may have treated you or themselves, you will continue to feel the emptiness and aloneness that comes from self-abandonment.

If you want to experience true happiness, then start to pay attention to your feelings with a deep desire to learn about what you are doing or not doing that is causing your pain and unhappiness. Happiness will be the natural consequence of your willingness to take full, 100% responsibility for your feelings and learn about and take action regarding what truly brings you joy,

The most important key to your happiness is determining that you will be happy. For many people, their happiness is not a priority in their life. Too often, we put the happiness of others before our own. While this may please our children, spouse, or boss, this is not the path to happiness. This does not mean you should make yourself happy at the expense of others, but you must remember that the reverse should also not be true — your happiness should not be sacrificed to make others happy.

Once you have determined to make your pursuit of happiness a priority, you need to determine just what it is that makes you happy. Spend some time reviewing the happy times in your life. Think about memories that make you smile or activities that make you joyful. Can you find a common element or theme? Then that is one of the keys to finding true happiness for you.

Now that you have identified what makes you happy, you need to engage in that activity. Perhaps you need a creative outlet? Join a writing group, take an art class, or learn an instrument. Do you need a physical activity? Then find a way to get back into a sport you love or start a new one. All that is necessary is that you find a way to reconnect with this key element.

However, true happiness for most of us is not dependent solely on finding that one key. For most of us, we also require special people in our lives to be happy. Perhaps you have lost touch with someone important and can reach out to them? Or perhaps, it is simply a time to plan some special time with family. It is important to stay connected with those we love.

Another essential to finding true happiness is to give of ourselves as well. Helping others in small and large ways can help make you happier and more content. You might even be able to find a way to combine giving and engaging in an activity that makes you happy. For example, if you love to make people laugh, you could organize a community talent show as a fundraiser for a local charity.

Finally, make a list of all the aspects of your life that make you happy. So many of us get down because we dwell on the negative, but usually, there is something about your life that makes you happy. Make a list of these items tohave a quick mood enhancer when you feel down.

The pursuit of happiness does not have to be challenging or arduous. Finding true happiness can be as simple as determining, identifying, engaging, connecting, giving, and reminding yourself of the 6 keys to personal happiness.

While I often hear it used negatively by someone who expects some “chickens to come home to roost,” I prefer to think of it as something positive. How comforting to think that all our hard work and toil will be rewarded with a crop of something good? How wonderful to think that putting love and care into some project or person will indeed be rewarded.

Of course, while most Americans give lip service to the notion of our right to pursue happiness, all too many people do not believe it applies to them. Many people believe they don’t deserve happiness. And even those few who do believe it seem to accept unhappiness as simple bad luck.

Every person deserves happiness, and what is more, happiness is contagious. The more happy people there are around, the even more people will find happiness. We owe it ourselves to work on our happiness, and we owe it to society as well. Our happiness will help others and inspire others to find happiness. If we are unhappy, we are likely making others unhappy as well (even if unintentionally), and it is extremely unlikely we are doing much to contribute to the happiness of others.

So how do you become a happy person? You simply reap your happiness. But how? Take these four simple steps:

Step one — Ready Yourself For Happiness

You can accomplish this step by first determining that you want to be happy. Part of being happy is wanting to be happy. Once commit yourself to the course of finding happiness, you must rid yourself of the notion that happiness is luck or based on possessions or people. Nothing and no one can make you happy. Happiness comes from within.

Step two — Envision Yourself As Happy

Every day, when you first wake up and at various points during the day, spend some time envisioning yourself as a happy person. Picture yourself laughing, smiling, relaxing. Imagine yourself as happy. The more you can fix this image of yourself as happy in your mind, the easier it will be for you to truly become happy.

Step three — Assume You Will Be Happy

Many people tend to assume that they will spend much of their lives with people who seem to be genuinely happy with their lives. They smile frequently, laugh often, and seem to be in good humor most of the time. Yet, this is not because they are richer or more successful. Sometimes, these people were just born with the good fortune to have an optimistic outlook that life has not yet knocked out of them, but often these people have simply chosen that they will be happy, and they recognize that there is always something about their lives that makes them happy. You know this is true of yourself also. Concentrate on the areas of your life that give you happiness whenever you feel unhappiness seeping in, and no matter what, assume that you will be, you can be, a happy person.

Step four — Pursue Your Happiness

Happiness is rarely a wonderful accident of fate. Happiness is rarely found by accident. While you may find happiness in unexpected places, you must first open yourself to the possibility of happiness and prepare yourself to accept it when you find it. Some people are so miserable that they step right around happiness when they encounter it. Don’t let this happen to you. Don’t simply sit at home waiting for happiness to come knocking on your door. Go out and live life. Think about what currently makes you happy and spend time in those activities and think about what might make you happy and spend time experimenting. The more time you spend actively living your life, the more likely it is that you will also lead a happy life.

Remember, you deserve a happy life, and you can lead a happy life. But in the end, you reap what you sow. If you are sowing happiness in your life, you will reap happiness as well.